Friday, November 2, 2012

What a Difference 2 Years Makes

Two years ago today I was upset and disappointed. I was scheduled for an induction, got up at 3 am, bags packed, showered and called the hospital to confirm. They told me to stay home. The delivery ward was full and they were turning women away to other hospitals. Looking back I guess it just wasn't meant to be for M to be born on November 2nd for whatever reason but we tried again the next morning. Nervous and scared that my In-Laws would not be able to be there since they had taken the previous day off and worried I would call and hear that I would be waiting another day to meet my little man, I still picked up the phone and called. They said come on in we are waiting for you. We went in and got hooked up, back labor would not subside and even with an epidural the pain was intense. My birth doula was there and was a complete God send. I had never had a doula prior to this and she kept me calm and focused through my 11 hours of labor. At the end my doctor popped in long enough to deliver him and 13 mins of pushing later we were blessed with a screaming and crying, very pissed off Baby M. The smallest of my babies at 6 lbs 14 oz he had (and still has) the loudest cry. He was so similar to N but so different at the same time. We quickly learned he had silent reflux and he was colicky, vastly different than my easy going Baby Bear (N) but they both enjoyed eating frequently. Every feeding I was glad I had chosen to formula feed, imagining how awful I would have felt trying to keep up with his every 45 min nursing sessions. Then N broke his leg and I was even more grateful for formula since that night was my first night away from my newborn son.   Looking back on the last 2 years I realize that there are so many things different about M because I am able to be here to watch him grow, teach him and experience things with him, a gift I did not have with N at that age. I became a mom with N and for the 3 years that he was my one and only, he taught me so many things, but M and N together taught me how to be a mother. When we moved into our old apartment and I became pregnant with M I started changing and evolving. Now I'm a mother of 3 of the most sweet, funny, sensitive, amazing sons and they each have taught me different things. M is a funny, sweet, empathetic, loving little boy. He has his own sense of humor and I've rarely seen a kid so smart. 2 years seems like forever ago but also not possible that its been that long. I look at who I was then and who I am now and its so different. I'm so much more confident as a woman and mother.

You are such an incredible boy. Sometimes I just sit and stare at you. You look like a perfect little doll. I feel sorry for people that haven't made an effort to get to know who you are. You have such deep thought in those blue green eyes of yours and a spirit that I can only hope evolves but never fully changes. You have an amazement, wonder, and humor that is infectious. You love and trust deeply, please do not ever loose those qualities. Your favorite thing to do is run and hug my leg, you tell me all the time how much you love me and when I tuck you in at night you ask for hugs and kisses then stare into my eyes, pet my face and kiss my cheeks. I know these moments will not last forever and I cherish every one in case its the last time. Sometimes there is nothing more fun than annoying your older brother but you also pride yourself on being a big boy and being an excellent big brother to Baby J. I cannot wait to see what this year of your life brings and how your grow and change even more and how I change as a mommy. Thank you my little Pipsqueak, my dancing partner, my crazy monster for picking me as your mommy. I thank God every day for you.
Happy Birthday.
Your Mama