Adventures in NetiPot

I ordered a free NetiPot and got it in a few weeks ago. I used it an ended up with a migraine so I figured it was a weird coincidence. Last night I tried using it again and it is again super uncomfortable I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong since I followed all the instructions and everyone I kept hearing from swears by neti pots and how amazing they are (Cont below) So this morning I determined to try it again. I'm sick w this stupid annoying cold and my sinuses are killing me. So I follow all the instructions again even making sure the salt is super dissolved and the water is warm but not hot it still burns and stings and hurt horribly. So I pour a little out and add more warm water and give it another go. What do you know? Completely comfortable and amazing! My advice to anyone trying it if you try it and it burns and stings that's not right. Try cutting the salt down bit by bit till you find a solution that works for you. Once you do that its completely worth it!

Matters of the Heart

 As a little girl we watch a lot of Disney movies, then as a teen romantic comedies, we watch classic Gidget movies where her toes curl backward when she's kissed by the right man (or person). So many movies telling the tale of some adversity in the middle of the movie but then by the end all is resolved and they live (Say it all  together) "Happily Ever After"
    Then we grow up, get bitch slapped by reality, hate Disney, put on our big girl panties and realize that love is not always enough to sustain and there is not always a Happily Ever After and we have to have real skills to navigate through rough waters that can (and probably will) be a long term relationship.
  While I am in no way a relationship expert or Dr. Phil, I have been with my darling husband for almost 7 years and married for 4 years with a separation stuffed right smack in the middle of it. So I figured in addition to sharing my pearls of parenting wisdom I'd share some relationship wisdom Ive learned (and am still learning) along the way

#1 Love is not all you need
Sorry folks, I'm a huge Beatles fan but they were wrong on this one. Love, determination, strength, will.. THOSE are the things you need. A relationship is hard work. You might think something like love shouldn't be this hard, but then you should remind yourself that nothing in this life worth having ever comes easy. You have to be willing to fight for it. I think we are so jaded to that prospect because its so mainstream to get a divorce. I was married previously before I married J. I got married young and married someone that was way better as a friend in my life than a husband. So I'm not in any way bashing divorce I am saying to think about how much more picky we would be in choosing a spouse or how much harder would we work at it if divorce wasn't an easy option? Think about diving into a relationship that way. Be choosy, wait for your twin flame (soul mate) and once you have them never ever let go. Your soul mate will not abuse or degrade you. They are by far not anymore perfect than you are and they will most likely hurt you or even break your heart at some point but they wont abuse you or demean you. If that's the type of relationship you're in, find help and get out safely. Love is not abuse and those are not the types of relationships you fight for. You also want to think about if you have kids and what message you're sending to them, as a girl are you telling them that they aren't worth true love and love comes in the form of a fist or a boy learning that its ok to abuse his significant other? Or are you teaching them mistakes happen, we pick the wrong people sometimes but you are strong enough and worth enough to walk out and take them with you.. And that leads me into my 2nd point.

#2 Children change EVERYTHING.
Let me repeat this for all those young (or old) and naive hearts out there that think in the midst of difficulty in your relationship having a kid will bond you together forever in love.. WRONG! They change everything about you, your life, your relationships with everyone and how you see the world. Its completely different. It better and amazing in every way. The sleepless nights, the constant work, all of it, completely worth it. However the change will undoubtedly put a strain on even the most stable of relationships. Its an immediate change that no books or person can properly prepare you for and hopefully you're in it together. But the stress of being a parent to a new baby will test your relationship fully. Stay in communication with each other, if you aren't good at communicating then now is a perfect time to head to counseling for some ideas or grab a marriage book. You must show a unified front to your children, they're like sharks and can sense separation and fear and will attack and bring on an argument. Not because they are malicious but because they are exploring their boundaries. Communication is key.

#3 You can "date" for years, but you will never really know a true test of your relationship until you live together.

Face it anyone can put their best foot forward during the dating phase. Hair, make-up, fresh breath, nicely dressed etc. You really know about how much you love someone when she's make up less, hair in pony tail, PMS acne everywhere, eating everything in sight complaining about cramps and randomly crying. Same goes for dudes.. You know its love when you're still attracted to him after waking up for a 3am pee and seeing him asleep, mouth open, drooling, snoring and hair a mess. Lets not even go into the amount of love it takes to put up with whatever his many time consuming obsessions are or his talks about his last poop.. Even more so your love will be tested through paying bills, working, hardly seeing each other, household chores, arguments, kids, pets, extended family etc. The reality is that Disney never made Princess movie about what happens after they get married, have kids, do laundry, dishes, work, yell because Prince Charming forgot to put his clothes away or the dish in the sink AGAIN. It all seems perfect and lovely until you seen someone for who they really are, in the morning light, and bare. You know its real when you see it and love them anyway because you realize you are not complete without them despite the bullshit.

I'm no Superman

A few months ago I felt like Supermom. Everything was clicking perfectly. I was happy, upbeat, positive, and I felt unstoppable. I had just ventured down the road of baby wearing and cloth diapering, feeling this new found sense of empowerment as a mother. I could handle anything. Even when J lost his job and the "new" car we had bought in cash and spent almost $700 repairing to get it to state inspection started to break down 2 weeks after we bought it, I still saw the silver lining. After a few months of this life high and things still turning for us in the better, cashing in all those good karma points from us struggling for so long it hit me. One day I was sitting on the couch, N turned to me and said "I don't want to live with you anymore. You're not fun" And I broke. I sat there and cried and cried. I couldn't understand it. We had a routine, we played, I made him breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. We had started Love & Logic and the yelling and threatening mommy I had once been was now gone. WHY WHY WHY would he say that? For some reason at that moment I realized I was in fact not Supermom and I suddenly felt completely inadequate. How can a 3 year old bring you to your knees so quickly? The next few months were your basic life and parenting struggles. Nothing crazy. Then we hit the rough patch that has been our adversity over the last month. Baby loss, J's kidney stones, him out of work for almost 2 weeks, short paychecks, our Subaru not starting forcing us to drive the less appealing and more gas drinking car, and me having to take the responsibility for our entire house. You never know how much your spouse helps until they can't. The pressure of balancing the smaller paychecks, grocery shopping, errand running, tending to  every need of the boys, all the house work and taking care of J was up to me and I was fine at first. I was a rock. Then the day after J got his stint out I completely crumbled, and I have been breaking down more and more every since. My house has been trashed, dishes only done enough to cook for that night, yelling, frustrations and threats have emerged and my laundry is barely done. I feel undone, imperfect, un-super and completely...human. I know I will bounce back and be back to feeling completely empowered again at some point, clicking on every cylinder like a well oiled machine, I just wish I knew when that would be. In the meantime I guess I can keep thinking positive and hopeful and just let go of my need of control and go with the flow. I'm terrible at that by the way, admitting when I'm not perfect, relinquishing control and going with the flow. Maybe once I do that things will go back to the normal blissful life I'm used to.. Maybe that's my lesson.

A Baby Story

When I was pregnant with my oldest son N I went to a book sale and found Chicken Soup for the Expectant Mothers Soul. Toward the end of the book is a poem called "Baby's Choice" (see below) I read this poem and it forever changed my outlook on getting pregnant and giving birth. I had never even considered in reincarnation when our spirits are ready to come to this earth we choose our parents. It's such a lovely thought. I know I chose my children but they chose me too. (I know at this point many readers will start the argument of why would a child choose abusive, neglectful parents. My response is our soul and God knows what we have been through in our past lives and what lessons we need to learn going further. We will not understand fully why we are on the path we are on.) 


The reason I bring this up is because of my latest journey in life has been loosing another baby. Knowing that J and I wanted to start trying again in Aug I decided that starting to set that intention and prayer in May would be plenty of time to manifest this miracle in our lives. When I saw the positive HPT I was shaking. I couldn't believe we were pregnant! I told my husband while shaking uncontrollably. So many thoughts racing through my head. Were we ready? Would he be mad that we got pregnant early? When was my due date? When I realized I got the positive test 2 years to the day that we had lost another baby I felt a sense of dread. Trying to think hopeful I thought maybe this will reset the bad feelings I have about the months of June and July. Then I realized "Wait, in Feb (when we were due) we were going to be moving, that's so close to my due date" I also didn't know at that time if I was going to be able to handle 3 kids. What if I couldn't? Over the next 2 weeks I had fears of seeing blood when I went to the bathroom because I didn't FEEL pregnant. I didn't feel the same connection I felt when I knew I was pregnant with my sons. Friday morning, 2 weeks after that positive HPT I went to the bathroom at 6am stood up and saw blood. Not brownish discharge or spotting, but blood. I knew. I knew right then that I was loosing the baby. A trip to the ER, blood tests, meds, u/s, more blood... I remember laying in the hospital bed and feeling empty. The baby was gone. No one understood what I felt. How I felt. How guilty and empty I felt. How could I mourn the loss of my baby when I never felt connected to it in the first place? What kind of mother was I that I frequently forgot I was even pregnant and would catch myself lifting something or cleaning something I probably shouldn't have been? How could I feel so heartbroken that I lost this thing I had named when I didn't feel that same "thing" that familiar feeling I had felt with my boys. I remember feeling that disconnect when I was pregnant and lost the previous baby in June 2009. And that made me feel even more guilty. Over the next few days I cried and looked for any possible thing I could have done to prevent it. There was nothing. Nothing at all, I was even doing things to prevent a miscarriage (taking Maca Powder, whole food prenatal vitamins, organic pregnancy tea, eating chemical free healthy food etc) So I started doing more soul searching. I prayed and thought about it a lot. I remembered the poem, I remembered my belief of a baby choosing the parents and thought of the emptiness I felt. Maybe I jumped the gun on trying to be pregnant, maybe there was a physical baby but not growing or thriving because the perfect spirit for us had not chosen us yet. We are going ahead with our original plan or trying again in Aug (in a couple weeks actually) and I pray not that we get pregnant, but that our future son or daughter spirit finds up and picks us so we can love and raise them in this life. The last month has been difficult. Not the most difficult we've been through thank God but very difficult nonetheless. Ive hopefully handled it with more love and grace than I did in the past and hopefully this is the last time we have to go through loosing a baby. Since then I have realized I can easily handle 3 kids and definitely want to. I imagine my life with 3 children playing and helping me in our garden or hanging our clothes, playing in the sprinkler together. I know I'm meant to do this. For those of you reading this please send loving thoughts and prayers that the perfect spirit for us finds us and we conceive that beautiful healthy baby and carry it to term. Thank you all for letting me share my story. 








Baby's Choice
Did you ever think, dear Mother,
As the seeds of me you sowed,
As you breathed new life inside of me
And slowly watched me grow,
In all your dreams about me
When you planned me out so well,
When you couldn't wait to have me there
Inside your heart to dwell,
Did you ever think that maybe,
I was planning for you, too,
And choosing for my very own
A mother just like you?
A mother who smelled sweet and who
had hands so creamy white,
A tender, loving creature
Who would soothe me in the night?
Did you ever think in all those days
While you were coming due,
That as you planned a life for me
I sought a life with you?
And now as I lay in your arms,
I wonder if you knew
While you were busy making me,
I was choosing you!
~ Colleen M. Story ~

Loss

I found out I was pregnant with baby #3 2 weeks ago yesterday. Yesterday morning I woke up, went to the bathroom and started bleeding. A trip to the ER showed nothing on the sonogram and my HCG levels were only 250. Trying to stay positive and hopeful even though I knew I was loosing another baby. This was my 3rd loss. I don't know why these things happen or if something I could have done differently. Part of me thinks that every soul chooses its parents before they are born and maybe this baby didn't have a soul that had chosen it and us yet so it miscarried. Maybe it had some illness that kept it from growing. We will never know. The other more illogical part of myself in the midst of the tears thinks why am I a good mother that does everything she can right loose babies when I see other "mothers" smoke, drink, do drugs etc through their pregnancies and the babies come out ok. Why are they deserving of their children when they don't care enough to stop what they're doing? I know its not as black and white as that but you cant help but feel that way. With the physical pain comes more mental hurting. I take comfort in us trying again in a few months since this baby was a surprise and we may not have been 100% ready for it but then this fear also sets in that what if it happens again? N had known we were pregnant and was sure we were having a baby girl I thought he would have been more upset to find out be lost the baby. He assured me it was ok and that its not my fault and that he loves me. I guess in the middle of the pain I can take comfort in my 2 boys that are so loving. I am also so thankful for all my friends that have sent their well wishes and offers of help. Super mom K is out for 1-2 weeks and J is having to take over the house and the kids. Pray for him LOL Poor guy its a lot to take on.
I wanted to share my story because I feel like we all hide the loss like its a badge of something we have done wrong. Or that we are broken in some way. Its not like that. Its just what it is, maybe not meant to be. Share your stories and pain mamas. Help other moms out there and help yourself.

The Mommy War

    This subject is kind of a sore spot for me since Ive seen and been the victim of the mommy battles. Its silly and ridiculous really, we are a community of women that really love and care for our children and want to do the best for them, ourselves and our families and we are busy hating on each other, especially when that energy can be better spent focusing on real child abuse and helping children that are real victims. The crimes I'm talking about are the breast vs bottle, cloth vs disposable, Natural birth vs Epidural, Etc. It seems like we all want to stick very close to our guns of the things we KNOW if right and good for our children the rub it in everyone's face and say how wrong they are if they don't fall in line. I find these attitudes are pushed a lot by Dr's or "experts" in the field. And I think on my side it's time to air the dirty laundry a bit.
     4 + years ago I got pregnant with N and went into a tizzy of trying to get all the right books are read the right things to prepare myself to become a first time mom. Towards the end of my pregnancy I realized I knew how to do most of the things like changing diapers, clothes, meds if needed, burping etc BUT I had no idea how to breastfeed. So 8 month pregnant I waddle my way to the local bookstore and start to read through the chunk of breastfeeding books, even came across a book from a self proclaimed expert (not a Dr) that stated if a woman cannot breastfeed shes just not trying hard enough and clearly not a good mother. Oh my! The fear set in a little, What if I couldn't breastfeed? What if he didn't like it? What if I HATED it? No No not possible. Then I talked to the lactation consultant at my local WIC office and heard the same. If its painful I'm not doing something correct etc. Ok... I'm for sure going to breastfeed. After all I want the best for him right? I'm going to be the perfect mom right? (Yeah right) August 21st I am induced and have a gorgeous 8lb 4oz baby boy and that night we start in on trying to breastfeed. It..is..awful. More nurses more consultants telling me I'm not doing something right. Awesome. I get home and try to feed for 3 1/2 weeks at one point through the pain and sleep deprived delirium I think I love it, for about 2 days. Then I hit PPD as N hit his first growth spurt and I couldn't keep up feeding him. I completely broke down. J comes home from work after a frantic call from me to find me sobbing in a corner partially because I was in so much pain and part because I felt like a failure as a mother. It didn't help to have the words of mothers for the last 9 months echoing in my head "you're going to breastfeed right? Oh good girl" J talked some sense into me and we bought some formula. It was amazing. He was full, happy and stopped crying. We had some formula troubles too, for the time being we thought he was lactose intolerant when we found out he is actually hormone and additive intolerant. We switched to prosobee and I had a dream baby. Then I had to go back to work and more guilt set in. fast forward through the mess of my life that Ive already blogged frequently about to me staying home with N and pregnant with Baby M. Again other peoples questions as well as my own start popping in, "Will I attempt to breastfeed again?" Will I really try to put myself through it again? I agonized over my choice for months with J in the background telling me formula is just fine, my Dr's telling me that formula is close to breast milk and I need to focus on being a great mommy too even my own mother and mother in law saying its ok, just bottlefeed. It wasn't that easy for me here was my 2nd chance to be the perfect mom again.. But alas I decided that I needed to formula feed and joined support groups online to help me through the guilt. That was a great decision! This group on Facebook has been amazing. Mothers exchanging stories of their smart, rarely sick, sweet, fun, perfectly healthy children. Caring, intelligent moms that chose not to breastfeed for a variety of reasons. Yesterday one of them posted an article about breastfeeding that opening my eyes and the guilt has dissolved. I know made the right choice for Baby M, our family, and myself.
     The war doesn't just stop at breastfeeding unfortunately, it extends to Attachment Parenting, Co-Sleeping, crying it out sleep training, diapering, etc. I have been on the hostile side of some Natural Parenting parents (I'm going to insert here that I have very good friends that are breastfeeding, natural, AP, Cloth diapering parents and have been incredible, supportive and informative to all questions I have had with no judgement. The perspective I'm showing if from a majority that I have experienced but in no way my only experience and not all natural parents are pushy whack jobs) The reason I have set the following scenario of the treatment that I and some of my other friends have received is because I want to clear up a few things that I feel are misconceptions about certain parenting styles.
    1. I am a practicing "cry it out" sleep training mommy. There are numerous studies done by both opposing sides showing the pros and cons to the CIO method. I'm not going to lie. It's a difficult thing to do. As a mom you' re hardwired to run to the aid of your child when the cry, however. At some point your child will need  to know how to soothe themselves. It seems like the anti crying it out group think that when I'm tired of tending to my baby I stick him in his crib and ignore his cries while I pour myself a glass of wine and draw a bubble bath. Nope. You check for full tummy, clean diaper, baby is not sick or in pain and right when they are sleepy but not over tired (this requires being attentive and in tune with your child) lay them in their crib to fall asleep on their own. Sometimes especially when they're older they will cry. Check on them in minute intervals. 5-10-15-20 and comfort them to let them know they aren't alone. Usually after 3 days your baby will be sleeping on their own and quickly through the night. I in no way just let my kids idly cry themselves to sleep.

2. Bottlefeeding and Baby Bonding:
Listen this will be short and sweet. If you cant or don't want to breastfeed no biggie, hold your baby, snuggle them and feed them with a bottle, hold it in the same position where your breast is and talk to your baby and make eye contact. Both my boys are incredibly bonded to me, no boobs required. Even better Dad (or other mama) can join in too. If you're worried about lack of skin to skin contact practice baby massage or unbutton your shirt a little.

3. Keep in mind you're a mommy first but also still a woman and a spouse and your significant other loves you too (that's how baby got here) If you like the benefits of co-sleeping the awesome. I'm not a fan personally for multiple reasons. Besides some safety issues my top reason is I still need my own space an time to stay mentally healthy. My adult bed for my adult things. My kids have their own safe lovely beds and using the sleep training helps them learn to sleep in their own space. I like it because Id rather not have to deal with the fussing of sleeping in their own bed when they get older.

4. Babywearing. I love it. Its amazing. Its the extra hands I wish God had given me when I had children. Its handy and snugly and amazing. I fully believe in the benefits of babywearing. HOWEVER. When I am in public and its 90 degrees out and I'm sweating profusely and my son is naturally hot natured  like his father and I have my baby in his stroller instead please no dirty looks. Thanks.

5. Cloth diapering. I LOVE LOVE LOVE CDing! Extreme couponing my ass. I will save thousands of dollars over the course of cloth diapering. Not to mention the environmental benefits. Its amazing. When N was a baby it wasn't an option for me at all though. Working FT and trying to keep up on diaper laundry. Uh no thanks. I couldn't keep up on reg laundry. Then with Baby M I looked into it but it seemed so expensive. As he got older I researched some more and talked to a few CDing friends found the Econobum Starter Kit for $49.99. Great way to try it out and see if it'll work for you. Especially with disposable diapers going up. But if you're a working mom or really busy CD may not be for you. Just reach out and ask people for info and see what works for you.

6. Childbirth. I'd Love to have a water birth someday. However my hospital doesn't offer it. I'm sure home births work very well for most women. Due to the issues I've had in the past I personally am not comfortable with it. That being said I am a pain pansy and I would prefer to not feel my woman part tear open anymore than most people want to feel the teeth get ripped out of their head at the dentist. If I decide to have an epidural in the future that is my choice because its my vagina. Also if you have a penis you have no input on what the best thing is for me. You will not ever experience childbirth the way a woman will so until you do keep your mouth closed. Thanks :)

7. Lastly.. Love & Logic
It may seem cruel that my son has choices and consequences like no toys or no TV time or even scrubbing the floor. He's 3 with chores and is required to clean up his messes. He gets an allowance and if he wants a new toy he has to use his own money. All these things may seem mean or unfair but its a proven loving empathetic system and more importantly its not your kid ;) I'm working on raising children that are responsible and prepared for life in a loving positive way (but also letting him still be a kid) I love L&L Its been a life saver for me. If anyone has questions I have a link to their site below and you can email me and ask anything :)

These are the things I get judged for. These are the things I get eye rolls, how could you's, or you're making a mistake's over. This is my own freedom declaration . I'M the mommy. J is the daddy. We've got a few years, tons of mistakes (or learning opportunities) and lots of research guided by our higher beliefs to help us be great parents. I hope if other moms are struggling with their own choices or decisions and are bombarded by naysayers that they keep on. And as the moms that are being attacked or ridiculed lets not return the favor. The other moms that make us feel so small and horrid have their own insecurities and we shouldn't attack them either. We are moms, we are women and we are all trying. Lets band to together and share practices to raise well balanced healthy kids into adults and focus on educating young inexperienced (or even older inexperienced) mothers. Maybe educating the overwhelmed can prevent REAL child abuse.

LINKS:
"The Case Against Breastfeeding" By: Hanna Rosin
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/7311/
The Love & Logic Institute:
http://www.loveandlogic.com/

How to disinfect cloth diapers

Came across this article on disinfecting cloth diapers and Im really excited especially because I dont like the idea of using bleach or harsh chemicals on Baby M's diapers. So here's some tips for my other CDing mamas out there. Cant wait to try the grape seed or tea tree extract! (Oh a side note I have tried the vinegar and when Baby M pee it has this weird chemical reaction and causes his pee diapers to smell really strange. I stopped using the vinegar and started using Borax powder)

Washing on Hot and line drying – The easiest and most natural way to disinfect is to simply wash theclean diapers on Hot, and put in the sun to dry. I would leave them in the sun for at least a couple of hours.

Grape Seed Extract – Tests have shown that GSE is dramatically more effective than Colloidal Silver, Iodine, Tea Tree Oil and Clorox bleach against five common microorganisms. For more, please visit:http://drjaygordon.com/breastfeeding/thrush.html

2 teaspoons added to the washer while filling should suffice.

Tea Tree oil is another option.  Add 2 Teaspoons to the washer while filling. Make sure you are using 100% tea tree oil and not a cheaper mixture.

You will want to look for a high Terpinen-4-ol and low Cineole concentration.

Hydrogen Peroxide – 3%, typically found in the grocery store. Pour ½ cup of your hydrogen peroxide in the bleach cup/section of your washing machine. If your washing machine does not have this section, allow the washer to fill to the load level before placing the clothing in the washer and pour the hydrogen peroxide directly into the water. Allow the washer to agitate a few times before placing the clothing in. This distributes the peroxide.

Vinegar - Another alternative to bleach is white vinegar. Pour ½ cup of distilled white vinegar in the bleach cup/section of your washing machine. Vinegar, however, should not be used with microfiber or laminated diapers, as the vinegar smell will linger on the diapers, and can eat away at PUL. This is for a one-time use only, as the acidity can also affect other components if used on a more frequent basis.

Sources include http://drjaygordon.com/breastfeeding/thrush.html

**Please be sure to check with manufacturer’s washing instructions (and warranty information) before starting any disinfecting routine.