Identity

I've been struggling a lot lately. You spend 9-10 months watching your body slowly grow and change from a woman into a mother the within hours its back to being woman not womb but not the woman that you were before.. A stretched, bloated warped version of what it was before and people expect you should just bounce right back within 6 weeks. That you should be back to being YOU again after that. That's where I'm struggling... Ive been pregnant through 2 successful pregnancies and a miscarriage for almost 2 years now. And within 5 hours I'm not a blossoming pregnant woman, a birthing Goddess.. I'm a stretched warped version of me. I love being a mom and I'm struggling with never being able to be pregnant again, leaving my 20s and my childbearing years and embarking on a new phase of my life. I'm struggling with not knowing who I am for sure right now or if I need to fit into a box of one type of person. Can most days I be the hippie Karen I love so much and the some days wear lipstick and heels? Can I be super fit and strong and feminine and fun? Do I have to choose just one? Where do I find the balance of "me" time and meeting new friends and being mommy to my boys? In the course of a birth so much seems to change and there are so many expectations I put on myself for perfection. I know this is a phoenix phase, if I wasn't sure the heat waves Ive been having give it away.. I'm about to burn and new me will emerge I just hate the transition time right before where nothing makes sense and I don't feel like I have an identity