Friday, October 9, 2009

When I think of God

Volcano Lightning Storm Pictures, Images and Photos

I cannot conceive of a personal God who would directly influence the actions of individuals, or would directly sit in judgment on creatures of his own creation... Albert Einstein

I could not agree with Einstein more.
So often its ingrained in us that God is this entity that has created us in His own image, He is our Father, and yet we are sent through life expecting the worst to happen with the only explanation of "well this is life, we are going to be constantly tested and tried so we can prove our love and devotion to God so we can make it to His Kingdom or heaven" After 26 years of living this life, sitting at night crying and wondering WHY WHY WHY I sought clarity. I wanted to understand WHY we would be put through so much only to die and HOPE we did enough good works to have salvation. Living through the back and forth of "if it feels good to you then it must be of Satan", and when something bad happens Satan put it there OR God could be testing you... HUH? This last year or so of my life, everything has been turned upside down and I sat one night again wondering WHY my God that loves me so very much would watch this happen, so I prayed and I meditated and I was answered. The things Ive gone through were some direct situations I frequently judged others on. I started to monitor my own thinking and saw how negative my thoughts were. I started to challenge EVERYTHING I thought I believed in, and found at the end that we ARE created in His Image and we ARE His children and as a mother (a human one at that) I look at my son and I know I don't ever want to see him suffer, I want to develop him to have all the right tools and resources to be a great adult. I don't want to punish him and guilt him, I want to love and grow him into making the right choice, if I think that way and I am a branch of God then I can only come to the conclusion that God as well wants to love us and grow us (his children) into a wonderful person. He tells us to be child like and as adults we teach our children to be less child like. So I then started to observe children, non judgemental, loving, imaginative, creative, caring, and playful. I start to realize how "adulthood" turned me from all those things to a negative, cynical person. So I challenged that too. I'm still going down this road, through this journey and I am becoming so much more happy and fulfilled. I now know that God GIVES us all the tools and the gifts, That we are already creators, WE create our lives and our destiny, we can choose to happen to life or we can choose to let life happen to us (a new fave quote) I don't believe in a God that is insecure enough to put his children through hell to prove their love for Him, that's a human emotion, I do however believe in a human heart that has become so impure and tough and detached that we now create our circumstances, we are far more powerful and accountable than we realize or maybe more that we want to acknowledge because THEN we have no one else to blame. I believe in an all loving God that guides us, talks to us and sends us messages of light and hope when our thoughts or choices has given us a chance to grow and develop. The more we can let Gods light and love shine through us as his example and choose to be loving, pure, and forgiving the closer we are to Him in those moments. We are human so we will make mistakes and not accept the consequences and then have to repeat that lesson again. Its not punishment from our loving Father, its us creating our life minute by minute, action by action, thought by thought. When we can stop and realize WE are in control and He is behind us (like a parent coaching the child riding a bike or taking those first steps) knowing and believing as a fact that we are the ones responsible for our lives, its a great feeling, you don't resent God you embrace him and want to strive that much more to shine on. I imagine my God as a serene flow of water, a gentle breeze, a caring touch, a warm smile. It goes against everything I thought I knew and I am glad I challenged and rose out of the old me.

Still water Pictures, Images and Photos

Thursday, September 17, 2009

When it all comes together

double rainbow Pictures, Images and Photos

First of all I want to say I don't believe in coincidence. I believe every coincidence is a moment that God or The Universe is trying to relay a message to you. Here's my story of "coincidence"

About 3 weeks ago I got this strong urge to start writing, anything I possibly could, but especially journaling. I wanted a new journal because mine was lost after our recent move. So one day I take my husband to 4 different book stores and about dozen different shops looking for this perfect journal. I didn't know what it was but I insisted I would know as soon as I saw it. Finally I gave up and came home, I get online figuring I would find something on here. I searched for 2 more hours and FINALLY found one on Barnes and Nobles website (that wasn't there the first time I searched) the journal is black leather and on the back it says "DEFY GRAVITY" its to the musical Wicked, which I've never seen, always wanted to read the book but hadn't yet. I then google the lyrics to defy gravity and instant love. I get the journal and have it shipped. About a week or so later I have my reading with a local Shaman. He tells me I need to get it gear and get on my path to being a healer. He also tells me I need to go to school for it mostly because I need to prove to myself that I can heal someone. Today I read and email from Dr Wayne Dyer about the I Can Do It conference in Tampa, I'm telling my husband about it, all pouty because its in Tampa and I can't go. THEN I start searching for Reiki healing for epilepsy for my friend (and sons godmother) is epileptic and wants to get pregnant but the doctors cant get her meds straight and it bumming her out so I tell her about energy healing and shes all about trying something different to cure the epilepsy instead of masking the symptoms, so I am searching for stuff online to get her more info on it and I have this reiki website pulled up and at the top is an ad for the I Can Do It conference and something tells me to click on it. I do and I start reading about all the speakers and the topics, I get to the very last speaker and topic and this is what it is:
4:00 pm - 5:30 pm Closing Keynote: Caroline Myss
Defy Gravity: Healing Beyond the Bounds of Reason In this keynote, visionary author and intuitive Caroline Myss introduces the subject of her new book, Defy Gravity, which explores the mystical qualities involved in the experience of healing, instructing readers to move beyond the dilemma of needing to find logical reasons for why an illness has developed and instead get on with the task of personal transformation. Healing any illness or personal crisis is a complex undertaking, as will be discussed in this keynote, but as attendees will discover, many of the methods that are part of the holistic model remain inadequate in terms of assisting a person on complete recovery of health. The missing factor involves understanding the nature of mystical consciousness and how to transcend the limitations of ordinary thinking. Profound and lasting healings are, ultimately, mystical experiences that cannot be generated by the power of reason or the mind as the intellect is incapable of igniting a mystical experience. Mystical experiences are spontaneous occurrences of a highly Divine nature that originate within the soul and it is that source that also contains the capacity to heal illness. How to get beyond one’s power of reason and cross the threshold into the domain of one’s soul is a central theme of this keynote. Healing exercises and learning how to channel grace play a vital role.
WOW! I almost cried and then got chills and I knew right then all these events meant something and I don't think I would have realized it before meeting Shane and having my reading.
Its exciting and heartwarming to see everything come together and NOTICE, instead of watching it roll along and not think twice.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Beautifully Broken

Stained Glass Love Heart Pictures, Images and Photos
This is something I wrote a few years ago I thought I would share:

"Beautifully Broken"
That's what I am. No one can be fixed as a human. I repair each day and break again. Little by little pieces of my heart & soul, mind & body break away and I renew stronger, more resilient than the last. That's why I'm the phoenix. I am passionate and have a fire that with God renews me. I will always be broken, so my soul will finally be the stained glass window, the beautifully complex mosaic, the abstract painting. Broken & repaired, never what it seems at first glance. A collage of love, life, pain, misery, faith & hope that you can only see when looked at with the light that shines within me and only if allowed to get close enough to see the intricate pattern that is me. Beautifully Broken. And I'm okay with that.

Monday, August 31, 2009

A question to really think about

free Pictures, Images and Photos

I have been doing a lot of reading lately. I'm reading 2 books in particular. Louise Hay's "how to Heal Your Life" and Dr. Wayne Dyer's "Excuses Begone" I stopped on Dr. Dyers book pretty short at a question he asks. Its one I had to REALLY think about.
"If No one told you who you were, who would you be?" Short but so powerful. Its in conjunction with a question posed by Louise Hay, "Who have you been told you SHOULD be your whole life? And who do you really want to be?" It makes me think of our conditioning, Louise states this multiple times that we are told the should and shouldn'ts of our lives and we follow. They are two amazing books to read simultaneously because they play off each other like a beautiful dance. Butterflies bouncing and flirting in the wind. Its amazing! It made me stop and think, how many of my beliefs and judgements I pass on people, all the things I put forward for people to see, my "masks" I put up the walls, the blocks, etc.. All of these things are based on my life conditioning and experiences of what I think I SHOULD be. Skinnier, sexier, prettier, funnier, more laid back, less laid back, stay home, work, have nice things, save and conserve, all battling each other in my head wondering what "box' do I stuff myself in, where do I fit? Where do I make myself belong? Never once considering who I really am and what I really want in my own life. So I made a list. The house, life, kids everything I wanted. But most importantly the kind of person I want to be. I found its the one I secretly envy the most on the inside and loudly judge on the outside. I know now that I can never fit into a box or type and shouldn't want to. I made the decision to take down the walls and struggle everyday to do so. But I know I'm on a path to true happiness and more importantly on a path to learn how to nurture my children into being their own person. Its an amazing freedom! So I ask you the same question... Who would you be? If there was no one telling you who you should be?

I want to extend special Thanks to Louise Hay and Dr. Dyer for their amazing spirit and the work they and everyone at Hay House does. Its truly an inspiration that has put me on the path to change my life and the lives of those around me. Thank you!

Pick and Choose

MY CHOICE! Pictures, Images and Photos
Needle H1N1 Vaccine Flu Pictures, Images and Photos

No stories here tonight. I just have a lot on my mind in the area of a lot of different topics..

Here's the start... While at work a couple days ago an article surfaces about Mandatory government flu vaccines. Everyone is upset. The back story is that the PDA, C.D.C and W.H.O are trying to make Swine flu Vaccines Mandatory no matter religious belief or health. If refused you are deemed a felon of the state, terrorist level. Subject to immediate quarantine and imprisonment for an indefinite period of time at a FEMA camp. Hmm.. I watch alot of Zombie movies and that's how this crap starts.. anyway. People are outraged HOW CAN THE GOVERNMENT TAKE AWAY MY RIGHT TO CHOOSE... That's all I hear. "Its not their choice what I do w my body" "I should be able to decide on my own.." over and over. I agree completely. No government should be able to step in and tell ME what I can and cannot do with my body. Its my right to choose. Its a free country, founded on the rights of the PEOPLE to make their own choice no matter what. Our Pursuit of Happiness. Hmm.. Does this sound familiar?? At all??? Hows this.. I am a woman and its MY RIGHT TO CHOOSE.. I am Gay and Its my right to Choose.. MY choice with MY body on if I continue a pregnancy, My right to decide for my reasons to keep a baby or take the Plan B pill or Birth Control in General. My right as an American to CHOOSE to marry or not. Not based on religion or God or higher convictions but the basis of the country being FREE. Even God's own law, Free will choice. HOWEVER what I find is a lot of people outraged that THEY may not be able to make the choice for something like a vaccination but are the first in line to say a woman doesn't have the right to her own body then they bounce to another line saying a same sex couple don't deserve the right to be married or adopt a child. What about freedom? What about our rights?

We cannot pick and choose or hop across the fence when it suits us. If you are going to stand strong, STAND STRONG even if it means it effects you negatively. You disagree with something like our freedom and our choice taken away for a vaccine, then disagree with a woman's right stripped from her or a couples right to love and marriage and family. and STOP basing everything you want in this country off one book written BY MEN thousands of years ago that assumes everyone in the country has the same religious belief. If we make laws and punishment based solely off one religion then we are falling into the same pattern of the country we are at war with trying to "free" their citizens.

We are a country based on a melting pot of races, religious beliefs and convictions, we have laws that protects us to Stand up and speak our mind, we are supposed to be ran BY THE PEOPLE. So lets start doing it. Oppose a mandatory vaccine IF YOU BELIEVE ITS WRONG, and oppose anything else that takes away our right to choose.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

It's Time to see the Faeries Again

Amy Brown Pictures, Images and Photos
What does it truly mean to be childlike? How does it make us have more faith? Or believe more intensely? I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. How perfect every child is at birth, completely innocent and trusting. As they get older and become toddlers, they are imaginative, loving, and non judging. Yet we look at our children and tell them that the faeries they see don’t exist, the colors of the rainbow can’t be used for any particular thing, your clothes much match perfectly, that being dirty from a hard days play isn’t an accomplishment, singing made up songs and dancing around to the music in your head can’t be done everywhere. After all what will other people think? I look at my son and I look at other children. I look at his compassion, his imagination, his own made up language. The fact he will smile at everyone and talk to any person that talks to him. He doesn’t know yet to judge others based on their color, size, gender, clothes, houses, appearance.. Those are things we teach them. We teach them to worry about what others think, to worry about being judged as we judge others. We TEACH them you aren’t complete without the better house or car. We show them money makes you happy and to compete with the Jones’ so to speak. Our children are born perfect and we shape them to be less like God and more like us, unhappy and seeking fulfillment. When do we step back and look at our children and realize God has blessed us with them to TEACH US. Teach us how to pray, how to laugh, how to let go, how to focus on love and trust people based on their actions and not there appearances.
How silly we are to overlook those things. How often do we stand back and make fun of the eccentric and quirky people that march to their own drummer and seem perfectly content? Or tell our children that their imaginary friends don’t exist? When did we lose our childlike qualities that made us so happy and carefree? Ghandi said it best “Be the change you wish to see in the world” Sing loudly in the shower, dance with your child in the supermarket, wear the outfit you want to wear, listen to the music you want, talk to that imaginary friend again, smile at a perfect stranger, open the door for the person that may have just scowled at you, strike up a conversation with someone that looks lonely. You never know how you make an effect on that person’s life. Be the change. Look at the innocent child and know that all your fears, your worries, your insecurities with your body and looks, are all learned and taught. Know that you are beautiful because God made you and pass that along. Dance to the different drum and change the world by seeing one fairy at a time.

Friday, July 3, 2009


rodritgo Pictures, Images and Photos
Rain sat back and thought of her life over the past few years. Shes listening to music and looking at old photos. She thinks as the lyrics echo in her head of the mistakes she made, of her choices and thoughts. Of the people she has pushed away, hurt, or alienated. She wonders when she prays if God hears her, she wonders if He does, maybe he just turns away. Why would He care? Or was she really THAT bad? She thinks about all the judgements she's made on people in the past and then down the road was in their same situation, making the same choices.. who knew.. As the song continues and her tears fall beautifully with the notes of the piano, shes pulled out of the thoughts of her own head now actually hearing those lyrics. They comfort her with the words of a God that will never leave her, no matter what. This makes her cry harder. She leans back and lights herself a cigarette and places her head in her hands. Shes never felt so alone, The song has ended and its silent. A soft breeze blows through her window on her face and she hears a thought in her head "I would never leave you, especially during such an important journey" Instinctively she responds "How do I know? I have never felt so alone, no one cares and I can see why." "You are never alone! Why would I leave you without someone to watch over you? A parent would never leave their child without someone to care for them. So why would I leave my child alone? Never doubt the infinite love I have for you. This my dear is your path, you cleasing fire, your journey through the wilderness so to speak. You must go through this to learn your lessons and have a stronger character. You must be strong so that I may use you for the purpose I intended" Rain takes a long drag from her cigarette and exhales slowly. The things in her head makes her feel better however she's realizing she now talking to herself.... "Great" she thinks, "I've now completely lost my mind, I'm not only talking to myself, but I'm answering myself too.." The voice stops her again this time less soft and tender but with a tone of laughter "OH My darling you aren't talking to yourself, I come in many different ways, right now your mind isn't wrapped in the 100 miles a minute so I am able to come to you this way, I usually present my answers to you in dreams or signs, and most harshly lessons of life. Be comforted that you have greater things to accomplish in life and that I am always here. Have faith in that." The tears rolled down her face as she put out her cigarette, but now they were tears of happiness. She felt comforted by the voice. She knelt down Thanked God and asked for forgiveness for all the things she had done and asked for the ability to forgive herself. As she settled in bed that night she realized that this is only the beginning for the journey and to be stronger she much go through more trials and lessons. A diamond is only as good as the coal and the pressure it was put under. She prepares herself for what may be to come and falls asleep.