The arrival of Baby J

Baby J joined our pack @ 12:59pm on May 19, 2012. This labor and delivery was by far the fastest but most challenging one I have gone through. As I enjoyed my hospital stay I thought about the little moments I wanted to blog and never forget.
We checked into the hospital at 7am on Saturday morning. They got my IV in and checked my cervix, I was at 3cm before the pitocin had even started which was a huge start for us considering with my last 2, my labor stalled at 3cm for 4-5 hours but I was already there. I made the decision to not get an epidural until I was at 5cm to keep labor progressing. My doctor comes in by 9am and breaks my water, then the contractions really start hitting hard. Briefly I feel back labor going and my doula (who is amazing by the way) has me sitting in different positions to help him rotate and right about that time the iPod is hooked up with our birthing music. One really memorable moment for me was sitting on the edge of the bed, leaned forward onto J during contractions and having him whisper in my ear how great I was doing and how strong I was. I felt like we were completely entangled and alone in those moments. The next day I saw this picture and it was a perfect representation of that moment

Another moment was being in my bed in Sims position rocking back and forth hoping he will turn and having a contraction, wondering if I can do this at all and I hear Alicia Keys Superwoman queue up on my iPod. I just sing to myself "Cause I am a superwoman, yes I am" as the contraction peaked. In that moment I was.
I did have to laugh at one part waiting to be able to push when 'Under Pressure' came on and I thought "How fitting!" Haha!
After 10 mins of pushing and an epidural that did not numb my vaginal area I was actually vocal through pushes and Baby J was laid in my arms. He is beautiful.
Over the next couple of days I come across some nurses from the nursery make a few comments about my choice to formula feed and a lactation consultant that was supremely helpful and made me really happy. I was really surprised that one nurse made a comment to me that Baby J was eating too frequently and the comment "He's not a breastfed baby, you don't have to feed him on demand, he should only eat every 3-4 hours" came about. Ummm... I'm fairly sure I'm not going to withhold food from my baby when he's hungry because my schedule says its not time to eat yet.. Who does that?! And this woman had obviously never met one of my boys before. Then another nurse that asked if I wanted him brought right back after his lab work or if she should just keep him and until his next feeding and feed him to which I replied "Bring him right back please, we feed him on demand so there isn't a set time he will eat again" She looked at me completely shocked like I had said I wanted to eat him for breakfast or something. Why is that weird? But lastly the awesome lactation consultant. One of my nurses had sent her in to answer a few questions about drying my milk up as it came in and she was so very pleasant and answered all of my questions without trying to change my mind or be pushy whatsoever. I loved her for that.
Overall my experience at Mercy for the 2nd time was great. The staff for the most part were awesome as usual. I am sad and relieved its over. I have felt the baby blues wash over me right after he arrived and I haven't quite been able to shake it off yet. I'm sure I will. I have struggle with it the most today. I feel like I should feel more empowered by my birth experience. Right now I feel scared and a little overwhelmed at being a mommy of 3, I feel guilty I need to depend so much on J over the next few weeks, I feel sad that this was the last time seeing my baby for the first time and being tucked away in our hospital room, tummy nap cuddles, and studying every feature on their face for hours. Soon J will be running crazy with his brothers with only enough time to briefly stop for a hug and even sooner after that they will all just be too busy. I want to freeze time right now, but that isn't possible. All I can do right now is soak it all in, cry when I feel the need to and lean on J just like I did during labor.
Baby J is a great baby, hes calm, quiet and sweet. He's bigger than M was at birth but he seems so much smaller because his features are so petite. And he looks a bit like me (finally!) yay! I am a truly blessed mama. I just hope I kick the weepy feeling soon.

Before you were born,. we dreamed of you, we imagined you,. we prayed for you. Now that you are here,. We hope for you, we love you,. we Thank God for you.