Sunday, April 22, 2012

Giving birth

   Leading up to giving birth is such an anxious time. You scared, nervous, unsure, and impatient. There is a sense of fear but also anticipation. Giving birth as a metaphor can be used in so many areas of life. The nervous anxiousness before starting something, anything, new.
   I feel double the anxiousness recently and I just hit me why. Baby J is our last baby, so in the midst of being anxious and wondering when he will be here, what he will looks like, how he will fit into our family, will M try to hit him with something (probably..), how will I be not only to a mother of 3 now but 3 boys etc. I am realizing I am about to give birth to a new version of me. No more pregnant K ever. I'm leaving my 20's behind also. Ive noticed my tolerance for some of the actions of my friends recently getting lower and I'm increasingly getting less tolerant of people's bullshit. I feel myself standing on the edge of a cliff looking down and across wondering what "me" is waiting on the other side of having this baby. Will I lose more friends? Will I find a voice? Will I stand up for myself more? Hopefully. So in being curious as to what my new son will be like I'm also curious as to what the new me will be like as well. I'm excited but scared for both.

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