Monday, April 16, 2012
Why I do what I do
Our job as parents to prepare our kids for adult hood in every way possible. For them to step out as an adult and say "I recognize this world and I'm prepared for it." I wondered to myself last night if I thought it was acceptable for an adult to ask another adult to do something and if it wasn't done, done correctly, or done with a good attitude if they could then hit the other adult. That wouldn't be ok but we prepare our kids for their life by saying "Do what I say or I will hit you." Then we wonder why so many of our children are teens and adults that stay in an abusive relationship. This goes for yelling and screaming too. If J asked me to make dinner or pick up and I didn't do it right that second and he hot me or yelled at me I would walk out. But we teach our children its not only acceptable, it's normal. I never wanted to spank or yell but especially spank. Our of frustration and a lack of parenting tools I started spanking N when we was about 2 - 2 1/2 in certain circumstances. After his 3rd bday and leg break I was spanking more frequently and it never once worked well. He would stop the behavior just enough to not get in trouble and then act out in other ways. We switched to Love & Logic and a peaceful parenting philosophy and I can see the improvements. I love being a mommy again and I have many less stressful days. When we stopped spanking, he got better. M is 18 months and has never been spanked and I hope I have the resolution not to ever. I finally had to take it out of my mind that it was even an appropriate option. Just because it's the "norm" doesn't make it ok or even effective. After thinking these things last night I saw this post today on my personal page and knew I had to share my feelings.