Im a sensitive Love & Logic mommy & wife that randomly dances & crazy shakes throughout my day. I talk to my kids like they're grown up bc I dont think they're idiots just bc they're small. My hair never stays perfect. I am clumsy. I cloth diaper,wear my kids,believe in vaccines & bottle feeding. I talk to myself. I created my own version of spiritual beliefs by taking a page from everyone. I sing whenever I can. This is me. Im learning to love who that is.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Criticism Makes You Stronger...
Right? I'm half hurt and half angry. People that love you from what Ive heard aren't supposed to lie and judge you.. How would I know though since Ive had very few instances of people NOT judging me that say they love me. I get that a certain amount of constructive criticism will help push you or change you for the better but constantly being cut down and lied about or lied to leaves me feeling... hurt and unsure of myself as a wife and mother. I guess good came come from it, Ill face the shadow side of this. I'm not a clean freak. Never have been. And until I had kids I never cared much for my house being overly clean. After I had kids I then had no time to deep clean because I worked 50 hrs a week for the first 2 years of my sons life. After I became a stay home mom and got pregnant with M I started cleaning up and noticing how nice it felt to have a clean house. Now at 15 1/2 weeks pregnant with my 3rd I have spent the last 4 months throwing up and too tired to move half the time. My house? Trashed. Dishes? Wash as you go. We don't have a working dishwasher so my preggo self gets to do dishes for 4 people by hand. We also eat at home for all meals. So I cook 3x a day then wash the dishes. God help me I hate dishes. I will never be more appreciative for a dishwasher when we move. Maybe that's part of my lesson in the never ending dishes. Anyway. When I do get enough energy to do anything I try to keep my living room picked up or vacuumed when the vacuum works or most shockingly I want to play with my kids. Spending time with them cuddled up or giving them attention is far more important to me than a clean house. Call me anything you want. I'm not always the perfect wife, my life is never picture perfect and we do things so very different than other people. You can say what you want but the thought of me being a bad mom, especially now, is laughable. Literally. Ive been trying to hash out how to handle this particular situation in my life and I think after thinking about it in length the accusations are so silly and unfounded that it doesn't need a response or action. Just a pity smile that people are that sad and insecure that they have to make things up about other people, which I'm actually pretty used to, but when it comes from your family it cuts a little deeper and hurts a little more. Luckily (?) for me its not deepest or worst cut so I can get past it. I'm thankful I have people in my life that ARE a means of strength and support for me and I'm thankful for my husband and kids because they make it all worth it, they are my family. I'm thankful that I have grown enough to see the woman I am and am becoming and not allow it to be clouded by other peoples pettiness and insecurity.